Miscommunication

What I said: Eldest, would you make sure Charming isn't playing in the potty?

What I meant: Eldest, would you make sure Charming isn't playing in the potty, and while you are there would you check to make sure the toilet is flushed, and the lid is down. Grab Charming, bring him out of the bathroom and shut the door. Please. I'm in the other room folding laundry and you are standing at the door of the bathroom an arms length from the baby whom has recently become fascinated with yellow water.

What I got: "No, Mom, he isn't." Followed by that eerie silence that tells me the baby has dropped the block he was playing with and has become interested in something naughty.

What I found: Charming, up to his elbows in yellow water, swishing a tinkertoy eyeball and Eldest, eyeballs glued to the television, three feet away.

A Note

Dear Mom
I Love
you But
somtims
I Be
unrespekful
and I'm
Sory.
Love
Princess

This, my friends, is why I continue to get up in the morning.

The Answer

An unequivocal no.

My shower cannot be redeemed.

After two hours with bleach, a toothbrush, comet, soft scrub, those green scrubby pads and an old sock, (as well as sore muscles in both my arm and my butt (my butt? I know!)) it it clean, but still moldy.

I'm going to have to re-grout.

Snappage

Because I have to look too many of you in the face someday, here is the edited version of what I can't stand to leave up

Somewhere along the line, like when I was cleaning puke chunks out of my washer while a screaming baby was hanging on my knees, pulling down my pants, I snapped.

I simply cannot do it all.

And here's the thing. I know most people wouldn't think that I even approached "doing it all." I don't have a job. And I don't do the wife/mother/housekeeper/cook job very well either. But that which I do do? I can't do it.

(whine, whine, whine, whine, whine)
(controversial, touchy subjects that I shouldn't post)

I have no idea how to parent my kids. They all need something different. And I'm at the end of ideas. Why does my son save all his awful behavior for me? Why am I the only person in his life that doesn't deserve respect? And what about Princess? When does it get to be her turn to need me?

Is there even a chance that I can recover my shower from the mold growing on it?

If we have this many ants now, what does that say for summer?

Will I ever cook a healthy meal that my family will actually eat? Or will they just continue to stare at what I set before them like I'm trying to poison them?

Why do I feel compelled to write? I never did when I was younger. I was a math and science girl. If I totally gave up writing today, why do I think that I was giving up on a dream? This wasn't my dream. My dream had more to do with curing cancer and other noble goals. Can I just quit and walk away? Because I think that now I only write because I feel like I have something to prove. Like I admitted to people that I wrote a novel and now I can't not write because I don't want to be a failure in yet another area. I didn't want to write a novel. I wrote one because a publisher asked for one. That they didn't want it should not make my life a failure. But that's what I see anyway.

My heroine was based on me. And every reader calls her whiny. I hate her.

And what's up with the people who are sharing opinions but do it in such controversial, combative language? Would that I had such confidence that I could just say what I think and assume everyone around me would naturally agree.

And I think I'm a huge disappointment to God. I'm always hearing that God put these "talents" in me and that someday I'm going to die and find out all I should have done that I didn't do. But I'm doing so much poorly that I can't even see the things I should do. And I read all the devotionals and books that tell me I can't do it all and should just give up trying except that I shouldn't give up trying and

IT MAKES NO SENSE!

It makes sense when I'm reading it and then I try to apply it and I'm incapable. And I consider myself a relatively intelligent person. Sometimes I think we know too much anymore to even grasp faith. No wonder our world is going to hell.

Closer Than Your Skin by Susan D. Hill

Like the vast majority of Christians, author Susan Hill felt frustrated in her search for spiritual intimacy, unable to bridge the gap between knowing about God and personally knowing Him. Closer Than Your Skin traces her journey beyond the trappings of faith to an everyday companionship with God.

Through stories of her awe-inspiring experiences, Hill assures readers that knowing God is more than spiritual rhetoric; it’s a genuine, tangible reality when our eyes are open to his presence. With undeniable honesty, she vividly captures the experience of genuine intimacy with the Creator and reveals how to move beyond obstacles that stand in the way.

Readers will discover that divine encounters aren’t reserved for moments of crisis or the select few. Through these unforgettable insights and the interactive study guide, they will find that God is standing at the door, knocking, asking to be allowed in.

Jamie here: I tell you what, this book is something. I started dog earing pages so that I could share some of the insight this book contains, but I found that I was dog earing nearly every page. I was especially touched by the chapter titled "Never Good Enough; The Trap of Condemnation," although "Exposing Martha; A Lifestyle of Overdoing," had its place in my current situation. Though that will come as no surprise to those of you who have been hanging around here lately.

But she teaches by example that God is everywhere around us, speaking to us, showing Himself, revealing Himself, if only we'll look and listen.

And it is your lucky day. I have an extra to give away! But it will require a comment from you. I'll draw one winner and notify you in about a week, which reminds me, I have another drawing from last week to do. I'll try to post that tomorrow. Assuming that puke doesn't prohibit it.

Anyway, don't wait, hoping to win my copy, buy Closer Than Your Skin here.

When it rains

Princess just woke up puking.

I Kid You Not.

This after I spent the weekend thinking Charming had chicken pox. I'm still not sure he doesn't, but if he does, it is such a light case, I can't ever say with certainty that he's had them. He definitely had something.

So let me just say it now and without exception, there shall be no more sickeness in my house this winter. I simply have HAD IT.

Nosey Neighbor

I find it positively eerie that I can predict, with relative certainty, what is going on outside my house, without looking, at any give point.

I know the sound the neighbor's truck makes and when he leaves for work.

I can tell you if it was the UPS truck or the FedEx guy that just drove past.

And I know if the mail truck has a different driver than usual.

I can tell my kids, without looking at the clock, whether they are behind schedule in the morning by the school bus schedule.

Remember I do all this by sound, not by sight.

I think this is a girl who spends far too much time in her kitchen watching the world outside live.

Either that, or I've lived here too long.

Date Night is Underrated,

I could come on here and extrapolate on how inadequate I feel or...I can tell you about the date I had last night.

Yes! I said DATE!

I think it is the first one I've had in a year. The last one ended on a negative note when Hubs dumped me for a KU game with his dad. This one almost didn't get out of the blocks because of the same combo, but patience prevailed. I got to go on a date!

I have decided, yet again, that Hubs and I are just not normal. We had the greatest time, but I don't think what we did will impress anyone.

We started out at this bar-like place called Gerts. It has the same menu as a place we used to enjoy when we were in college. We were rather humored because we live in the burbs. This place is a college bar, but the college is a juco. So the place is not exactly hopping on a Saturday night. I think it may very well be the only place I know that has a cheaper menu for evenings and weekends. The food was fabulous, just like it has always been. The place was not smoky at all even though it is still technically a bar. (They have a non-smoking glassed in booth. Totally cracked us up.) One waitress took care of everyone including being the barkeep. I was thrilled. The one we went to in college was always packed, super smoky and poorly waitressed. (Though we tolerated it for the food.)

I'd checked movie times. After dinner we had 30 minutes before the supposed start of the movie. As we drove directly past our favorite bookstore, I suggested we stop, "just for a minute." In our rush, we still managed to find two Encyclopedia Brown books, one paper airplane book and one book on finding Timbuktu.

But the theater parking lot was PACKED. We finally found a spot in the back of the theater. The sky had opened and snow balls were falling. (half ice, half snow, part rain...) We, um, missed the beginning of the movie (because I apparently looked at the times for the wrong theater (bummer for me because Hubs questioned me several times if I was "sure"))and the next one wouldn't start for another 45 minutes (putting us home too late for the baby back home).

Frankly, I didn't care.

Onward to ice cream.

We have this place called Sylas and Maddy's that makes the most incredible ice cream, sorbet and sherbet. After sampling several kinds, we both decided to get a five scoop sampler.

Hey, they were little scoops.

Best of all, we laughed and joked all night. (But the ice cream was a close second, the sandwich a super close third).

One the drive home, Hubs started to crack up. "You know where we spent the most money?"

The bookstore.

Except we didn't quite. $11 for dinner. $10.50 for books. $7 for ice cream. Free babysitter.

It was a good night.

Taming Rafe by Susan May Warren

Susan May Warren is having a big year. First Josey, now Rafe. I don't know how the woman does two series at once. She's amazing.

And take a look at that guy. Hubba, hubba. Honestly I was nearly embarrassed to carry around a book with that hunky cover to my kids' ballgames! Then again, it wasn't a steamy cover. But if people didn't know Susan and what she writes, I dunno, that title and that cover, oh, my! what those covers could contain. Off topic. I do know Susan and what she writes and so I guarantee it is a safe read. ;)

This time we read about Rafe Noble brother of Nick. You don't need to know Nick's story to read Rafe's. But if you have read it, you might like to re-skim quickly because you won't get a re-do within Rafe's story, just some of the same characters.

So, Rafe is a bull rider with a dark past. Katherine is an heiress who wants to maintain her inherited foundation effectively. Lolly has a past to hide and a love she refuses to acknowledge. John loves Lolly anyway. Bradley is hiding something that you can't quite put your finger on. Hmmm, is that all?

Leave it to miss Susan May Warren to make a romance not only a romance, but a double romance plus some mystery...I guess you wouldn't call it suspense (that's more creepy, right?).

We've already established I like this author so I don't suppose I need to repeat that ad nauseum, but I will say this was yet another great read.

And it made me LOVE my Hubs. I looked at him today and I just bubbled over with lovey thoughts. He's just a good ole boy. And I adore that about him. He's not slick New York Bradley; he's my rugged cowboy. Farm boy. John Deere Tractor Boy. Whatever. You get the idea.

It takes a good writer to make you read a romance and not be annoyed because your prince isn't one, but because he is better than.

Here's the first scene.

You can buy it here.

Trailers here.

And a super fun contest!

And can I just say I'm so excited to see that we get Stefanie's story soon?

I'm Willing to Admit I May Just Be Tired

I've had at least one sick kid every week since before Christmas. Sometimes I have two or three at a time. Like yesterday. Eldest woke with stomach cramps in the middle of one of the rare nights when Charming slept for more than two hours in a row. So I had him home from school drinking Lemon Lime cola and Frodo wanted some so he complained all day that he needed to throw up. I didn't have enough cola to go around so he didn't get any.

Turns out he wasn't lying.

I've had a sinus infection for two weeks. It has stayed in my left sinus cavities, but moved around. I had an excruciating sinus headache last weekend, but now I just have what feels like a major toothache.

Charming wakes nearly every time the heater kicks on. Considering we are in the middle of a cold snap, that is often. Even though I set my heater pretty cool. He also has quit napping more than about 30 minutes in the morning. And if he does decide to take a long nap in the afternoon, he will start it at 3:02 and I'll have to leave at 3:11 to pick the kids up from school (should any of them be healthy enough to go).

My house if filthy and well, I suppose I'm the one to make it better. With one arm and 22 pounds on my hip.

On top of that, my husband's paycheck as been as inconsistent as a poorly disciplined teenager...or rather that teenager's parents when she was three. On the upside of that, considering he works for himself and he does usually eventually get paid, I should be thankful. We have had years where he didn't get paid at all. (Which in some ways was easier because I KNEW I couldn't afford anything, so I didn't buy anything rather than buy and hope for the best.)

And I'm not saying all that so that I will get a poor baby. I'm saying all that because it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, I feel so ugly about life right now because I'm just flat exhausted. So when all that ugliness comes out in posts, please give me a bit of grace and read weary into it.

I Know it Makes No Sense

I've been following Shannon's blog as she traveled to Uganda and back to promote the sponsorship of Compassion children. This post has especially been on my mind as I walk through my home (why, with all the other stuff she's said, this one? Dunno.). And I didn't even go and have to go through re-entry.

Anyway, I've felt an urgent need to get rid of stuff. As if somehow ridding my home of unappreciated toys and clothes will feed a child in dire straits.

I don't know, maybe I'm hoping it will at least make us appreciate what we have more.

Tell Me Why

Someone, please tell me why I keep a back-up hair dryer just in case my main one breaks when I almost never dry my hair with a drier anyway?

And the list of questions grow.

He Does It Again

So last night I participated in what was basically a verbal warm fuzzy. You'd think something like this would make me awaken this day with a sense of hope or maybe a remnant feeling of good but no, I'm swimming in self-loathing. I feel worse about myself and my life today than I did before people were put on the spot to say something nice about me. And all I wanted to do was "check out." Not in the suicidal way, but in the curl up in bed, drop out of everything and let my house go to pot way.

And instead of saying all that, I was going to come on here and make some inane comments about shopping for jeans (I'll do that tomorrow or later today). But first I checked my email when what do I find in my inbox from Kim Potter but this:

I was talking with a friend the other day about how we walk through different seasons and some seasons can be really tough. Some seasons are wilderness experiences.

The Bible says that God leads His people through the wilderness to see what is in their heart, to see if they will continue to serve Him, even in the wilderness.

In my own life, I have found that there is always a time when my faith is confirmed. A time when my faith is put through the fire of the word of God. It's really like an open book test. We already have all the instructions. We have the outcome already written out for us - all we have to do is listen for the voice of God and obey it. When we do that, we are promised that no matter how hot the fire gets, we will come through without the smell of smoke.

We have a promise from God declaring that He will lead us through the wilderness and bring us out into an abundant place. But we must come out to enter into that abundant place. We can't make camp in the wilderness.

That is what I find many people do - they get in the middle of their wilderness and decide they don't want to do it anymore or it isn't working for them - so they pitch their tent in the wilderness. And when you pitch your tent in the wilderness - you have to live from the wilderness, with all it's dry places, lack of food, lack of water, lack of rest and you will labor for everything you get.

Don't pitch your tent in the wilderness - keep walking. Keep talking, keep saying what the word of God says. Just keep moving. Don't stop. If you are going through one of the worst times in your life, why would you stop there? Keep walking, it has to come out somewhere. And as I said, we have a promise, it comes out into an abundant place. The Promised Land. All God's promises are there for you. Those who endure to the end, who hold their confidence steadfast to the end - they have a reward and that reward is exactly what God has said belonged to them.

I love the scripture in Philippines 3:13-15 - it talks about pressing on - keeping on - to keep on moving toward the prize. Let me share the Message Bible translation with you: Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision - you'll see it yet!

I have gone through seasons where I would have loved to have given up. I would have loved to quit. But there was something in me, urging me on - that something was God - beckoning me on - reminding me what was at the end. His promise for me was at the end.

There were months when my mouth was declaring what I knew by faith and I continued to speak faith. But on the inside, my flesh was wanting to lay down and give up. Yet something in me, God, would not allow me to quit. So, I was off and running, I would not even look back.

The Bible says God is doing a new thing - don't look back. Remember what happened to Lots wife when she looked back? Don't look back! There is nothing for you there - the promise is ahead of you. Your future is bright! God has already paved a way for you through the blood of Jesus. Press on. Press on toward all He has for you. Refuse to look back - refuse to turn back and whatever you do, don't set up camp in the wilderness. Every day that you continue walking in the word of God brings you a day closer to your promise.

When you go to sleep tonight, remind yourself that you made progress today - you are a day closer to all God has promised you. Do you hear that voice beckoning you on? That voice is God and He is calling you forward - to Jesus - the finisher of your faith. In the end your faith will speak. In the end, your faith will show forth what you have been declaring - in the end, you will see it with your eyes.

Press On!

Death of a Six-Foot Teddy Bear

When a man turns up dead in a teddy bear costume, Ginger and the other ladies of the Bargain Hunters Network learn a lesson about trusting in God rather than in wealth as they try to solve the crime and clear one of their own.

Chaos here: some of you might remember this post in which I raved over an author who knows a good deal when she writes one and I had the privilege to read another of her books last week.

So, okay, yeah, Ginger has more than her share of dead bodies and you might start off wondering what kind of bad vibes this woman is carrying around with herself. And yeah, some of us don't think that outlet malls are such a good deal. (Though we might under the right circumstances.) But there is just something about the way that Sharon Dunn writes that makes her books can't-put-'em-down good.

This was a highly enjoyable cozy mystery. I love her "bargain talk." You know, an everything-is-a-quarter-garage-sale type statements (Though she doesn't use that one. It's one I'd use.). And you can't quite put your finger on who the bad guy is and why, which is nice. She does a wonderful job not rehashing the first book. So much so that I forgot many things I should have remembered....but I wouldn't take the rehash over not having the rehash.

So, this is a stand alone sequel that I think you'd really enjoy picking up the first one anyway. Heck, they are both light, quick reads. Grab 'em both. You won't regret it.

Oh, and I have a spare to give away. Charming ate my copy and was highly attracted to the cover (he lunged every time he saw it). So, if you want to read it, or if you have a teether who likes to cut his teeth on bright purple books...leave a comment and I'll get one in the mail to you.

Which reminds me, mommy4life won 101 Cups of Water, and the lizness won Rattled. Congrats ladies!

Exponential Growth

How does a baby go from not eating anything but mother's milk to not nursing at all?

Do you suppose it has anything to do with the fact that he went from toddling a few steps to walking across rooms and around corners and standing up in the middle of the room with nothing to hold on to? To obviously preferring walking to crawling even when crawling is faster?

Could it have something to do with suddenly knowing half a dozen words? To standing at the bottom of the stairs and yelling, "DADDY!" when he feels left out of what is going on upstairs?

How about the fact that he now knows he can shove his little car over to the piano bench, crawl up on the car, crawl from the car onto the bench, and after playing for a bit, onto the keys and into the piano to play with the hammers?

This baby has grown up overnight. And I feel like I was only pregnant yesterday.

And, by the way, he only refused to nurse for one day and now is back to it. I'm a bit dismayed, but I do have hope.

Another Dream Shattered

I always hoped to be the cool mom. The house all the kids would want to come to.

I'm not.

Not only do we not have playstation, wii, nintendo, etc., I don't let the kids watch 43 hours of tv, I make them be quiet when the baby is sleeping and I won't let them eat piles of junk for hours on end.

I have become my mother.

I told Hubs that if we were going to be the house where kids wanted to hang out, we'd need to increase our coolness quotient. Right now we are at about negative 40.

Trends

A note to the teenagers:

When I was a teen in the late 80s-early 90s it was all about the perfect tuck and tug. Mid-80s was the tied to the side t-shirt. Granted the early 2000s was the tummy shirt no matter whether you had the tummy to show so this new trend is better, but barely.

What's up with the tail?

Teens are now pulling their t-shirts tight into a ponytail...get this...on their butts.

I don't get it.

I am officially old.

So Not PC

Excuse me for a minute Democrats...

What is it with Democrats who make politically charged statements to complete strangers in grocery lines and expect the stranger to concur. I'm sorry. I do not think W robbed Kerry in the last elections. It is called the electoral college, people. Get over it. If we were a popular vote country, that would be a viable excuse. We are not. It's been that way for 220 years. Catch on.

And my fellow Republicans (better said conservatives. If there was a conservative democrat running, I might be persuaded to flip): I'm taking this as yet another opportunity to learn from the foolishness of others. Politically charged statements in the grocery line are rude and inappropriate. Not to mention that the person you are making them to quite possibly doesn't agree.

Interesting, I live in a flaming red state and yet I was trapped between two men who traded robbed election opinions back and forth for-EVER while we waited for managerial approval of my rain check. Ninety-nine sent Lucky Charms were not worth it. What was so bizarre is that they both kept looking to me with these conspiratorial smiles like I should agree with them. Unfortunately I'm a wimp and chose not to educate them on the electoral college system. gag. Sometimes I hate myself.

Speaking of politically charged statements: I'm getting these emails from a lady who thinks Obama is the anti-Christ. As much as I like the idea of a rapture...not sure I want to live in the end times. May she be very wrong.

Cry Me a River

The problem with losing weight, not by diet and exercise, but because someone (not naming names but he is 22 pounds of spitfire) is sucking the lifeblood right out of you, is that what is left isn't a toned bikini body but a bunch of saggy dimply bags that just kind of hang there on a bony frame.

Must get off my rear and do something.

Whoops!

I did not know the font went all big and bold at the end of the next post. And I didn't bother to go on and check until just now. So, my apologies. I might try to go in and edit it, but I'm pretty sure it was already edited to not do that and it did it anyway.

Charming woke this am with a fever of 100.9 and I really, truly thought, "Oh, good. He's better. I CAN do the Valentine's day party at school today."

That just shows how fried my brain is. Or maybe how bad he's been.