He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.-Psalm 113:9
Our road to parenthood wasn't the most direct, nor the most traditional. And in those years of infertility and miscarriage I couldn't understand this verse. I didn't see how the barren woman could ALSO be the happy mother of children. When I was a child, one of my parent's friends made a tape (yes, tape, not CD and certainly not MP3) of all the psalms set to music. My favorite, even as an eight year old was his "Sing oh Barren Woman; you who never bore a child; burst into song, and shout for joy; you who were never in labor...." and something about shouting to the east and the west, but I lose it there. I sang it in my years of infertility with a question, but now I sing it loud with rejoicing.
God sets the lonely in families. -Psalm 68:6
Sometimes in families that don't understand you, in families is a lonely place to be. But even when my family doesn't "get" me, my family is MY family. They forgive my oversights. They love me when I'm not lovely. They are there, present and (mostly) available (to the best of their ability). And, as long as they have breath in their bodies, they will be. If I'm lonely IN my family, it is probably more than half my fault. Not only that, I got to pick my second family. And sometimes I dream of being lonely for an hour or two. (I did NOT just say that....)
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in ones youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. Psalm 127:4-5
My house is happiest when it is full of children. I have two off to camp this week, and though it is easier and quieter it is also all off. I rejoice in time away with my husband, because we do need to remember we were us before we were parents and good parents are also good partners....BUT...as important as that is, I also love the chaos that is our family. I refuse to treat my children as if they are a burden rather than the gift that they are. (At least for extended periods. I'm not perfect And who in their right mind likes to clean up puke at 2AM?) I like the kids to be here. I love summer when they are all under one roof. I try to keep the junk food stocked and the mess tolerance set pretty high so that my home is an inviting place to be because HERE is where I want them to be. (Mostly. Though I do like for their friends to go home sometimes. Though, I don't want my kids to go with them.)
This post isn't going at all the way I thought it would. And yet, it is similar to the crazy tracks my mind has been taking lately. Scattered, yet pointing all in the same direction. As we work to adopt our fifth child who shall henceforth be referred to as Iris, not because that is her name, but because that is what we called her when we first saw her and KNEW she belonged in our chaos, I will keep this one before me:
I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you. John 14:8
And meanwhile, I will sing as the happy mother of children.