Thoughts from Branson

I have a raging, uncontrollable bigotry of slow people. It causes me to form instant opinions on their character, worth and personal appearance.

If said slow people text in the middle of a thoroughfare, I have a raging, uncontrollable urge to prod them with a pitchfork.

There is a universal truth that moms all over Branson are thinking, if not saying, "Can we just pack it in and go home?"

I know the above, because I thought it, said it, and overheard another mother yelling it at her husband over her screaming child at the pool.

She cooled off once he left with said screaming child and she stayed behind at the pool, blissfully alone.

If a woman intends to play beauty parlor with her preteen daughter while on vacation, she should have the foresight to bring along nail polish remover.

Chipped aqua nail polish is just plain tacky on 35 year old mothers of four.

Aqua nail polish makes me feel like I'm trying too hard to be young.

Nail polish of any color on my hands is completely pointless as I do dishes all day, every day.

I love screened in porches.

I do not love beach towels that smell like cow barn.

Clearly people who stay in condos with kitchens don't typically cook most of their meals. If this were the case, surely the condo people would provide more than two dishwasher loads worth of soap and/or more dishes than the maximum occupancy (4).

We told them multiple times upon booking that we were 6.

I prepared seven meals and froze them before we left.

It took less than two hours.

It was a week of bliss.

I need to do this weekly.

Someone want to join me?

I'm not sure that any show in the whole of Branson is worth the 90 minute timeshare presentation that would provide us with the 50% discount.

This could be due to the fact that 50% off $400 is still $200 and SOMEONE would need to go potty or be bored halfway though the show.

We are not show people.

Clearly.

We declined the 90 minute presentation deal.

We were disappointed that we didn't see any free shows at Silver Dollar City. We were saving them for the rainy days. Turns out the kid shows ended with "Ride into the Night" last Sunday.

We were very grateful we didn't plan to go to SDC this coming week as it is closed four of the seven days.

Our upstairs neighbors liked to chase chickens at 12:30 AM. The chickens chased them at 5:30 AM.

I didn't get much sleep last week. (see above comment re: going home)

I saw the chicken chasers for the first time yesterday. Their child (ahem, chicken) looked quite a bit older than I expected from her shrieking (ahem, crying).

No, I don't think it was abuse. I think it was thin walls and a child who does not sleep. Or possibly a father with a prostate problem.

My stomach does not like vacation food.

That would be the food I did not cook. The pop, candy and chips I allowed myself to consume in vast quantities.

I walked all over stinking Branson, give me a break.

The best deal of the week was and still is mini golf at Talking Rocks Cavern (with a SDC season pass) where they encourage you to go through the course "at least twice." They also have free spelo boxes and a nature trail where you can find real fossils. And a pretty sweet overlook platform. If, say, you don't have four out of four children having a meltdown.

If you ever get season passes for SDC (cheaper than paying for two days), take the "Season Pass Holders Specials" card with you. Sometimes the partner discounts people don't know about your deals and...ahem...you need to prove it.

The second best deal is Moonshine Beach. $4 a carload.

I'd say SDC was a good deal except....well...farmers, I'm glad you got your rain. Let's just put it that way.

Thinking on happy thoughts, like rainstorms on the screened in porch.

I discovered that I have Travelers Turrets. If Brent and I aren't in the middle of a conversation and I'm not reading due to SOMEONE wanting to be entertained but the same SOMEONE isn't initiating conversations, I find myself reading highway signs and saying things like "Here we are in Dennis, Missouri." And, "Oh, look, The Needle in the Haystack." And, "Parsons, The Town For U." And, "Did you know that if you replace the C with a K it makes your Kampground Kozy?" And, "Do you think we could afford to stay at the Budget Inn?"

I came home to a completed homestudy. A completed dossier. A confirmation that my daughter will have a care package from me in her sweet little hands next week. And my bed, with no crazy chicken chasers above me. Hallelujah!

Hey, go over to Anna's blog and watch the news segment and comment on the post. She gets a dollar for every comment.