Stuck in Customs; A Snarky Response

The United States Customs questions could use some help, in my humblest of opinions. And the following is the reason.

Q1: Are you bringing soil into the US?
A: No.

What I wanted to say: Did you see the part where I said I was coming in from Ethiopia? Does the dust accumulated in my lungs, on my shoes, in the crevices of my skin, imbedded in my clothes count?

Are you bringing insects into the US?
A: No
WIWTS: Have I mentioned I was in Ethiopia with MANY children? Do head lice count?

Were you in contact with any livestock while on your trip?
A: Yes
WIWTS: Remember how I was in Ethiopia? Well, there are goats on every corner. In fact, we bought one, lashed its legs together, strapped it to the top of our van, loved on it for a night, slaughtered it in the morning and ate it for lunch. Melkam Genna to you.

Were you on a farm/ranch on your trip.
A: Yes

WIWTS: Again.....Ethiopia. It was my pleasure to tromp through my sponsored child's false banana grove, teff fields, coffee grove, and tomato fields. As it is winter in Kansas, I doubt I will cross pollinate, even in view of Q1.

Are you bringing foods into the US?
A: Yes
WIWTS: Does it count that I'm returning with food I took OVER to Ethiopia? And yes, there were the 2kg of green coffee beans.

Are you bringing more than $10000 US in goods/products?
A: No.
WIWTS: I just left a country where people are begging on LITERALLY every corner. Shame on me if I spent more than $10000 in freaking "goods" to bring home. Especially in light of the fact that I could have a 5 star candle light dinner for two for under $10. And that is counting the tip.

Just a taste of what is to come.