You know, after five and a half years of this mom business, you'd think I'd start getting smarter, but I'm pretty sure I have brain cells dying by the second. Take yesterday for example. My daughter had a little dance program since it was her last class, but the dance program didn't start until the class was half over. We had library books due and a movie on hold (Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius--a reward for a certain potty feat attained) and my boys hate to sit through dance class.
Let's back up. My daughter didn't want to go to dance class. YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO DANCE CLASS?????? She always wants to go to dance class. She askes everyday when dance class is. On dance class day she puts her leotard on first thing. But, as I said last week, we all thought her last class was the week prior and apparently she decided she was d-o-n-e done. I'm super glad I didn't enroll her in the extended class which I strongly considered. Anyway, it was like pulling teeth--permanent teeth, not those weak baby teeth--to get her dressed and out of the door so I should have just packed it up and gone home right then. But I didn't.
Nooooo...I grabbed her by the hand and dragged her towards the door to class while I left my boys in the van that was parked illegally. But her teacher wasn't there. I dragged her back to the van, threw it in gear, parked legally, got them all out of the van, dragged them all to the class where the teacher was waiting. Kissed daughter, grabbed boys and dragged them back to the van chanting, "Hurry! Let's go! Don't you want to go to the library?" (They did, they just wanted to go on their pace.)
We went screaming to the library, ran in the building with me saying, "One movie each, only one and we are out of here. We aren't playing, we aren't reading. Grab your movies and let's go." I distinctly remember having my keys in hand. I distinctly remember thinking at one point that I should drop them somewhere--pocket? purse? bookbag? shelf?--while I helped the boys with something. Of course I had overdue books (still wondering about that). Of course I had holds. Of course I had books due (one of the reasons we went). Twenty-seven clicks of the computer screen later we headed out of the library. I got the boys strapped in (is this when I lay down my keys?) jumped into the driver's seat and couldn't find my keys. They weren't in my purse, they weren't in my bookbag, they weren't in my pocket. I dumped them all out, all over the floor. I had to be at the dance thing in fourteen minutes my husband was twenty minutes away. I unstrapped the boys, we ran back in to the library, no keys. Ran back out, shuffled through all the stuff piled on the floor of the van. No keys. Hysteria. I have abandoned my daughter to her lonesome self and I have no way to get to her or to let her teacher know that I have done it. I also will miss the program that I told her she must go perform because I wanted to see it.
Then out of the corner of my eye I glimpsed the magnetic spare key holder. I snatched it up, opened it and deflated. No key. Of course not. Otherwise the magnetic key holder would be strategically placed in its secret location under the van. I dug through my purse one more time and found the spare that was supposed to be in the magnetic key holder, lit the engine and tore over to the dance thing chanting the whole way, "Boys when we get there, unstrap and jump out of the van. We are gong to have to RUN! What are you going to do when we get there?" They knew. They were also very quiet. I think they've finally figured out there were no buttons left to push.
I parked the car, scooped my baby up and we ran. And we made it with less than a minute to spare.
I still don't know where my keys are.
Finished Newlywed Games.
Started The Bachelor's Club.
Need to go do The Firm: "Calorie Killer."
Will probably go read....
Ugh! I mean will probably go do laundry.