Thursday, February 23, 2012

Paris



I'm struggling with something:

I want to go to Paris.

A couple weeks ago I read Melissa Faye Green's latest book, No Riding Bicycles in the House (Without A Helmet). In it she told her readers a conversation she had with her husband after her second (or third) child went away to college. It went something like: Remember how we adopted all these kids so that the emptying of our nest wouldn't hurt so bad? (Yes) It isn't working. (And we can't even go to Paris.)

You know how sometimes you are nudged in the same direction over and over again from so many different sources until you can no longer call it a coincidence? This morning God and I had a chat. It went something like this:

Me: But, but, but, but....
Him: nudge, nudge, nudge
Me: But GOD! I want to go to Paris!

I have never in my life desired to step foot in France. I'm a non-confrontational person. I heard once (or many times) that people in France hate Americans. Enough said. Won't go. I don't want to be yelled at in a foreign language. I don't want to try to ask directions from someone who is pretending they haven't learned English. And I wear yoga pants all the time. Fashion queen, I am not. France is not my destination of choice.

This isn't really about Paris. It's about a life. My life. And I want to spend it doing the things I want to do.

Me, me, me. For goodness sake: ME.

I want to dig in the dirt. I do not want to do the dishes. I want to raise up kids and send them on their way and welcome my little multi-colored grandbabies when they come back. And I want to go to Alaska and the Caribbean, and Indonesia and Easter Island. I intend to clock out of this dish doing, meal preparing, clutter redistributing, laundry doing, noise filtering stage of life in 14 years and clock into adventure.

These kids, they are my great adventure.

NUDGE.

But I suddenly want to go to Paris.....

1 comment:

Kim said...

Oh my. I just stumbled over here from your post at Team Chase (we were on their earlier in the week!), and I just have to say that I totally relate to this. I don't even HAVE kids yet, and I feel like I'm daily grieving and struggling with God that I don't get to live the life that I want to live. I think about all of the sacrifices of free time and hobbies and time alone with my husband that I will be making, and I turn into a selfish, whiny baby. AND, I've been to Paris. It's beautiful. I see Paris in movies and cry because I want to return to bad that the ache physically hurts. But still....His burden is light. His blessings are so much more. AND....maybe we'll win the lottery we never play and go after retirement. ;)