What I would have said yesterday...

If I had been able to get my bloggity self online:

This is where the faint of heart (or the not so cheap) give up nursing. I'm trying to decide how faint my heart is. There just comes a point in every woman's life where one must decide if they are indeed at that point where

I. Am. Going. To. Die.

If I don't get some sleep.

See, this week is where I am back full time. My big kids are back. Hubs is back to work. And everyone thinks they need clean clothes and food.

Legitimate needs.

But, if one is up all night with a baby who thinks he needs to nurse every 30 minutes, and gets mad because he doesn't really want to nurse, he really just wants to be held, but he roots around
and mom is desperate and has no other ideas to get the baby back to sleep, but the baby acts less like a hungry baby than a kitten kneading mom's stomach with his feet and yanking with his gums and punching and fighting.....

you get the idea.

And the big kids need help with their reading, and they need to be held and loved and kissed and paid attention to and breakfast made and hair combed and to top that off wake the baby every BLASTED TIME MOM GETS HIM TO SLEEP BECAUSE THEY NEED TO HOLD HIM!!!!

So about 4:30 yesterday morning I decided that maybe bottles and daddy weren't such a bad idea after all.

But I found / figured something out yesterday before I got to my whine-blog. I have great friends. Far more or better or something than the friends I had four years ago when I went through this and sank into a pit of despair. Or maybe I'm better at admitting when I can't handle it. So far this week I've had several people check in with me. Offer to go to the store for me. Drop off casseroles for me (that weren't scheduled with the church). And, the topper, pick up my big kids for the afternoon so that I could take a nap.

It is amazing the difference a two hour nap can make. Like doubling the amount of sleep I'd had in 24 hours.

And then last night, Frog slept (I think) six hours in a row. Since I have strategically placed the clock so that I can't see it so that I don't know how little sleep I'm getting, I'm not sure. But I think it said 4:30 when he woke for the first time and I think he went to sleep around 10. What I do know is that he slept so long and so well I was ready for him to wake (if you know what I mean) and I got up to check if he was breathing three times.

What a difference a day makes.