Be Still My Heart

Last night we had dinner with some wonderful companions. While the adults visited, the kids watched "Meet the Robinsons." All was lively and giggly in the living room, when suddenly we heard Eldest beginning to cry.

I haven't seen the movie, but apparently there is a scene where a mother gives her little boy to someone else, because she can't take care of him. Hubs went to Eldest and consoled him and we went back to our visit. Before long the movie was over and my Eldest came into the kitchen. I asked if he liked the movie (because he'd been giggling for over an hour). He said no and began to cry again. He referred to this scene.

I had to ask: was this crying because of his "other mother" or because he worried that I'd give him away? It was because of me.

Me.

I assured him that that would never happen and should something happen to both me and Hubs, the farthest he'd have to go is family. He calmed down and went off to play.

Here I am thinking that he misses the mother he never had and he has given that no thought. Or maybe his subconscious has and that is why it bothered him so much. But, call me selfish, I'm so glad he loves me enough to cry and relate to losing me.

I read a book once called "Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother" wherein she talks about the inward competition with the woman who is always at the back of your mind. And it is true. Even when you don't think you are competing, it is always a relief to know they love you more.

That is my transparent moment for the day.