The Ugly Truth

And I do mean ugly.

Delusions come in many forms and my delusion was shattered last night.

You see, my church is having Prom next weekend for us old people. As I rarely have an excuse to dress up and/or get away from my kids for a whole evening for $5, I am all over it. They have encouraged us to wear prom attire from the time when we went to prom (in my case 1994). As I weigh approximately three pounds more than I did when I graduated high school, I thought there was a chance I would be able to fit the actual dress rather than a goodwill version of the decade in a larger size. I also remember the dress fitting a little loosely. Not loose, but not yucky skin tight, either.

I didn't put it on right away. Too busy doing the things that moms do. But after the kids were abed I strapped it on.

It went on, but it wasn't pretty. I came down and showed my dear Hubs who, incidentally, attended that prom with me. He laughed.

People, it was like a sausage stuffed in casing. Bulging casing.

One sometimes forgets that muscle weighs more than fat. And what was I doing in 1994 but jumping, kicking, tumbling, running, triple jumping, ballet dancing. In other words I had about 0.3% body fat. As opposed to the approximate 25% (guessing here) that I currently have. So I have to 1.) exercise or 2.) eat less ice cream or 3.) get used to being lumpy.

As prom is next weekend, I think I will go ahead and wear something a bit more current (read 2003) that is a little more kind to my figure.

By the way, the jelly bean stash is now decimated. I told Hubs last night that I was going through jelly bean withdrawal. I don't have tremors yet, but the craving is driving me crazy. This is going to be one year I won't be hard on the stores for breaking out the Easter candy February 15.

'Course, by then I should be through the withdrawal and should never touch a jelly bean again. Sigh. There should be a 12 step program for sugar addicts.