Saturday, May 31, 2008

Day Three of Processing (obsessing)

I slept better last night. No bug dreams. I did wake with a headache and have been fighting it all day. I'm just so stinking tense. And I don't want to do anything but lay on the couch. Part of that may be that I'm fighting a cold (who gets a cold in MAY?). I'm going to blame the cold until it is over and then I'll worry about whether I'm being depressed. I just can't make myself do anything.

Like hold up my head.

No, really. I keep finding myself with my head propped on my arm, just struggling to stay upright.

Pretty sure it's the cold.

My mom took the news rather well. There was only flash of momentary panic before she masked it well and said all the appropriate things. Not the least of which is. "It's probably nothing, but you just need to check and make sure." Which is what everyone is saying. And what we said to my sister two weeks before her mastectomy.

So.

I'm feeling pretty good about it and only panic once or twice a day. And it probably is nothing. I don't have (nor have ever had) the lifestyle that something like this generally stems from, so it would have to be the genetic version. And what are the odds?

Don't answer that.

But at the end of the day, God is still God. He is still on the throne. He is still good. And He does, in fact, know that my kids need me and I do have to be there to see them get married and have their own babies and by-george-cancer-is-unacceptable!

3 comments:

jen d said...

i hate bug dreams...get them occasionally...

...I REALLY think the abnormal pap is nothing..probably a pollup or something then they use words like pre-cancer...had a good friend who had all of this stuff a few years back and it was NOTHING and I would expect the same for you...

also what is with terms like "pre-cancer" I figure we are all living with pre-cancer, pre-heart attack, pre nervous breakdown, pre-cavity, etc...drop the terms either it is or it isn't...There.. my more than 2 cents...love ya...keep us posted!

jen d said...

why is there a wheelchair guy next to the word verification?

Ok I clicked it and it sounds like those evil songs played backwards that tell people to smoke weed...

Chaos-Jamie said...

No clue. I thought it would read the letters for a blind person (how they read the rest, I dunno) but you nailed what it sounds like!