We had it.
I'm kidding, but that about sums up what was quite an anti-climactic finish to more than a years worth of fretting on my part.
(scene) Breakfast table surrounded by sons and husband.
Princess: Mama, how does the daddy gene get to the mama gene?
Mom: I'm sorry. That is not appropriate breakfast conversation. Ask me when we're alone. Daddy gets the privilege of telling the boys.
Dad: I've told you and I'm telling you again. You're telling all of them.
Mom: You really are deluded, aren't you? (promptly forgets she made a promise to daughter)
(later: daughter's bedroom, Mom Shanghaid while hanging clean laundry)
Princess: So? How?
Mom: are you going to freak out on me? Are you sure you want to know? Because once you know, you can't un-know and I'm not sure you really want to know.
Princess: yup. Do they rub their tummies together? (OK, at this point mom is wondering what daughter has seen that daughter shouldn't have seen...and where she saw it.)
Mom: Well, (insert theme music of your choice, 'cause sister, you ain't reading what I said, but here's a tip: leave out "when a man and a woman love each other very much...." stick to the fact and only the facts, mam. This part, that part, genes mix.)
Princess: (asks several questions to clarify )
Mom (finishing up): I'll tell you what Granny told me. "Someday, you'll meet someone you ARE willing to do that with and you'll get married and it won't totally freak you out."
Information that was stressed: No one is allowed to do that to you without your permission. You should definitely tell me if someone tries even if he threatens to kill me, you or anyone else. And it is not your place to tell your brothers or your friends this. Mommies tell daughters. Daddies tell sons. Don't tell your friends, even if they ask. Send them to their parents.
I told Hubs, "HA! I'm ALL DONE. And I SURVIVED!" And he said, "Well you screwed yourself on that one, 'cause you just ordered yourself up another daughter."
Yes, but now I've done it and survived so I know it can be done again.
I didn't even break a sweat.
But I DID consider bringing in the ovipositer.