Friday, November 14, 2008


How can I go from positively bubbling over with optimism one day to completely wasted in despondency the next?

I honestly don't know. The calendar doesn't suggest any imminent excuse. But I woke Wednesday morning in a state of panic and haven't quite been able to rid myself of it since. Hubs asks why and I can't come up with anything.

Check that. I can come up with any number of things that in and of themselves I can point to and say, "yeah, that's it." Except those 17 issues were there Tuesday also and not causing me to kick my legs in frustration (I've noticed that I have symptoms of restless leg syndrome....but only when I'm totally freaking out about something).

Mercy, mercy, mercy.

Sometimes I just want to pack my bags and start all over. Not from my immediate family, I'd take them with me, but from this life that I've made for myself. I confessed as much to Hubs who agreed with me. He's going through something similar.

Life is hard. And instead of muscling through it, I seem to prefer to whine. On top of that, I know that I should be grateful, but all I can see are the issues. And I should be loving, but I'd rather lick my own wounds than tend to some one else's.

To quote, I think, Rex: Great, now I have guilt.

Sometimes I wonder why I've been hardwired this way and whether I can overcome it. Surely, SURELY, the world isn't conspiring to make me miserable, lonely, guilty, and a crappy housekeeper and mom.

I'm just so overwhelmed with it all, ya know? And instead of staying thoughtful and organized I'm half a step ahead, if that, and more often than not, late and behind.

O, Happy Day.

So, now I'm going to go try to do something in this rare moment of peace. Peace as in quiet. Not peace as in peaceful inner life. But who knows? Charming has radar for "mom accomplishing something."

Let's see....spiritual application...

Meaningless, meaningless. Everything is meaningless. (Ecclesiastes)

That was full of hope, not?

1 comment:

MotherT said...

Okay, Jamie, I'm probably going to come across as a mom (oh, wait, I am one!), but instead of mulit-tasking try focusing on one thing at a time. One sink of dishes, one meal, one basket of clothes, one verse. (You get the idea!)

I really believe that right now there is an attack of the overwhelms going around. I've heard it from both of my daughters and both of my "daughter-in-laws" in the past few weeks.