Sunday, March 22, 2009

Guest Blogger Sr. Citizen aka My Dad (who, incidentally, loves Wal-Mart unlike his daughter)

Now I remember: Wal-Mart

The wobble when I walk, the pain in my hip, all those sleepless nights, a dozen or more doctor visits, not knowing what happened to my hip ! It happened, it sure did, and it has been in a painful mist just out of reach in my memory. Wal Mart?? Could it have been Wal Mart??

Memory repression, regression or something like that. But last night it came back to me in a dreadful dream. Real, perhaps - perhaps not, but most likely true when I look in the mirror at that radiant sun rising on my hairless head. Yes, definitely is was Wal Mart. For Sure it was Wal Mart and the little elderly lady with coke bottle glasses walking toward me in the sporting isle with her walker - creaky yes. Deadly - Definitely!

Thinking I heard her speak to me, and being the gentleman I am, I took off my hat before speaking to her, then it happened! When she saw the sun
rising on my head, she thought I was mooning her - Yes Mooning her. Hormones or pure hate - what motivated her. Doesn't matter really.

Before I could contain my startle reflex, that walker was whamming me from every direction and I was laid out down in the isle screaming for mercy, and trying to grow an emergence head of hair - all to no avail.

The next split second she had a baseball bat off the rack and was walloping my hip. Yes my hip - over and over and over. As the security forces pulled her off of me I mercifully went dark - very dark. But I did hear them saying I would be bared from Wal Mart for LIFE _ or perhaps longer. They didn't need sunbeams insulting their clientele.

Needless to say, I have not been the same ever since. Mercifully, I can't remember when since was, I only know my hip hurts. Plus, I'm grateful she didn't see the golf putters with those long grips. She might be mostly blind, but I'm guessing she would have found a place to put the putter. O Lord, it's getting dark again.


mommy4life said...

Please tell me this isn't true.... because I want to laugh and would feel really bad about laughing if it were true...

Chaos-Jamie said...

Bad hip and bald head are true. The rest is pure unadulterated fabrication. Much to the dismay of my mother.

Anonymous said...

Nope - no love for Wal Mart and no truth to the story, except my hip keeps looking for a reason. Wal Mart is a pain in the (hip) for local merchants, so sharing that feeling, it just seems right to give them the credit - and possibly a new career as a short story writer. New Yorker, where are you??

Sir Nottaguy-Imadad said...

I like me a good fabrication ever once in a while. (Not that I've ever fabricated anything on my blog before) Great story.

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said... thinks I know where your talent comes from! What a great story teller.

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Anonymous said...

Finally! Some valuable thoughts. Thanks Nurse Boy Folks - You have apparently seen the sun rising on a few deep thinking (bald) heads. Now, if I could just find all that lost hair or my miracle vitamin to grow some more. Yes, you guessed it. Shinny, but apparently it may not be hiding a lot of bright.