Thursday, June 29, 2006


Okay, I know this is shallow, but I've got to get it off my chest.

Back in my high school days, my friends plucked their eyebrows. Every now and then I would attempt it, not knowing what I was trying to accomplish and usually quit once I got a good one or two eyebrow hairs out. Let's face it. OUCH.

One time I mentioned this eyebrow plucking thing to a person who I would consider a fashion diva of our high school. I can't tell you who died and left her in charge of what was in (I think it was the fact that her mother let her shop with her credit card so she got whatever she wanted) but I must have thought I would appear cool to talk about eyebrows.

She said, "But Jamie, you have perfect eyebrows. Why would you worry about them?" Good enough for Diva, good enough for me. I never worried about my eyebrows again.

It just occurred to me that she might have been disparaging me and I missed it. I shall continue as if that wasn't the case.

Fast forward ten years. I've just had my third baby. I'm feeling ugly. I've gone to a friend for a simple haircut. After all, while in labor I lost a half a head of hair and the rest needs to be balanced out. "Friend" talks me into highlights...Just a few...Just to lighten things up.

Next thing I know this friend has offered to do a free eyebrow wax, "just to clean them up. Not super thin or anything."

I'm wondering what's wrong with my perfect eyebrows. I submit because when this friend starts nagging about something, she doesn't stop and it was free.

I walked out of there thinking I was something else. I pranced all over town with large red welts surrounding my brows.

And ever since, I've fretted about them. I've tried to maintain with the tweezers. I lost. So now I pluck stray hairs and wish for another free wax. I eye every woman my age and analyze their eyebrows. THEY ALL HAVE THESE CRAZY THIN LITTLE EYEBROWS.

I'm pretty sure they talk about my caterpillar eyebrows when I'm not there. They must at least think about it. When I had mine done I noticed everyone who hadn't. I wondered how I'd never noticed it before. And I hate how shallow it has made me that I think about it.

I wish Diva was still in charge.


the lizness said...

I too have the perfect eyebrows - I only pluck the strays in the middle, never ever will I allow a friend to wax them! especially since my friends who wax have no eyebrows now.

suck it up and grow them back out, you'll be much happier :)

kpjara said...

You KNOW I had to go peek at your pick again just to see if they were catapillars or just perfect eyebrows...

I'm with Tess...let em be' they look great! The eyebrow-less are just jealous and want you to look like them, hence waxing! Pencil thin eyebrows are OUT! Being yourself...VERY IN!

April said...

Oh, this is too funny. I just spent two or three days slowly hacking at my eyebrows after I caught a glimpse of some eyebrow expert on Oprah and I thought, "Oh NO! I have totally neglected that part of the beauty world, I better catch up!" My husband told me, "Don't ever do that again, I like your eyebrows." He really doesn't know anything, I'm looking at all eyebrows differently now.

Just Nancy said...

Oh, finally! A woman who understands. I've never known what I was supposed to be doing with the whole plucking thing. I have tried numerous times in my years to figure out what my eyebrows are "supposed" to look like. I would LOVE to have someone do them for me, but like you, it seems kind of shallow and not really worth the expense. I mean, why have perfect eyebrows when I'm wearing an old YMCA t-shirt and jeans to get groceries or drive the kids to school???

Robin said...

First, this made made me lol, for real, OUT LOUD. Second, for those of us with a unibrow in 7th grade before the word "unibrow" was coined...we lived with the pain and got used to it. Don't even feel it anymore (but, boy, I remember it back in the day). Third, want a real treat? Buy a magnification mirror...I think mine is like a 8x or something...and it's lighted. HORRORS! I have 'em growing in places I never could see before....and dry flaky skin and E-GADS! wrinkles >:(!

And when you hit your 40s (you aren't there yet, are you?), you find those da*n eyebrows can grow on your chin!