Friday, April 11, 2008

The Ugly Truth

And I do mean ugly.

Delusions come in many forms and my delusion was shattered last night.

You see, my church is having Prom next weekend for us old people. As I rarely have an excuse to dress up and/or get away from my kids for a whole evening for $5, I am all over it. They have encouraged us to wear prom attire from the time when we went to prom (in my case 1994). As I weigh approximately three pounds more than I did when I graduated high school, I thought there was a chance I would be able to fit the actual dress rather than a goodwill version of the decade in a larger size. I also remember the dress fitting a little loosely. Not loose, but not yucky skin tight, either.

I didn't put it on right away. Too busy doing the things that moms do. But after the kids were abed I strapped it on.

It went on, but it wasn't pretty. I came down and showed my dear Hubs who, incidentally, attended that prom with me. He laughed.

People, it was like a sausage stuffed in casing. Bulging casing.

One sometimes forgets that muscle weighs more than fat. And what was I doing in 1994 but jumping, kicking, tumbling, running, triple jumping, ballet dancing. In other words I had about 0.3% body fat. As opposed to the approximate 25% (guessing here) that I currently have. So I have to 1.) exercise or 2.) eat less ice cream or 3.) get used to being lumpy.

As prom is next weekend, I think I will go ahead and wear something a bit more current (read 2003) that is a little more kind to my figure.

By the way, the jelly bean stash is now decimated. I told Hubs last night that I was going through jelly bean withdrawal. I don't have tremors yet, but the craving is driving me crazy. This is going to be one year I won't be hard on the stores for breaking out the Easter candy February 15.

'Course, by then I should be through the withdrawal and should never touch a jelly bean again. Sigh. There should be a 12 step program for sugar addicts.


Rhea said...

Jelly bean withdrawl, huh? Are you going to start turning random colors?

Sorry the prom dress didn't fit too well. At least it kind of fit...

Have fun at the "prom!!"

Anonymous said...

Your husband laughed? I'm surprised he's still breathing!

Angi said...

But hey - at least you could get it on. My prom was in 1994 as well - but there's no way these hips could fit into that dress! I'm about 30 pounds more then when I graduated - yeah, I know - I need to work on that . . . . . .