Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I should learn to control my smirk.

Last night my family went to an "Awards ceremony" for Eldest's participation in basketball this season. Granted no awards were awarded, but that is what they called it. It seems like they could call it a season celebration or something but maybe parents would blow it off? I don't know.
And since the celebration is for a Christian basketball program, they gave the salvation message and all that goes with that.

Tonight was Princess' turn. Same celebration, different night.

I sent her upstairs to put on her uniform and wash her face. When I came up to change myself, she, very seriously, pulled me aside. "Mom," she said, "I'm worried that I'm not right with God."

"You?" I asked (trying not to laugh) "You, the girl who reads her Bible everyday and prays all the time and talks about God everyday? You're worried about being right with God?" (mom breathes out through her nose in that almost laugh snort and smirks, teasing) (granted I'm generally worried about being right with God, but that is my adult-ness that thinks I might still need to earn grace, or certainly should work hard to not lose it because the longer I live, the farther I know I've fallen...)

She burst into tears. She really was serious.

Remember I was there when she asked Jesus into her heart the first time (at 2). And the second (at 3). And she talks about having Jesus in her heart and about being a Christian. And she wants to know if various people are Christian. And up until tonight, she was certain of her salvation.

Tonight she knew that guy was going to talk about needing Jesus and something in her told her she should dive in again.

I'm not knocking it. She was really too young to remember. Even if she "remembers," it's probably pretty fuzzy. Frankly, I suppose she inherited that from her mom. I remember thinking I "asked Jesus into my heart" when I was three-ish. And doing it again a little later at a backyard bible club and feeling silly because I knew I'd already done it, but wasn't quite sure...what if I dreamed it? And again when I was about 5th grade. And by the time I got to High School, I learned enough to call it a "re-dedication." Actually, Hubs was with me that night and he did the same.

Anyway, Princess and I prayed again and I told her how proud I was of her for listening to her spirit and obeying.

I hope she feels more secure in her faith than I did as a squirt. I hit a point sometime in my childhood where I prayed it every night Just In Case.

Sometimes I wonder if those of us that grew up in the church have some things harder. We hear salvation messages all the time. We don't want to grow immune to the message. We know the lingo and pretty frequently we hear testimonies of people who say "I would have said I was a Christian and was saved, but one day I realized I wasn't and I got that way!" They are well meaning messages and I'm sure there are lots of lost people sitting in the pews, but there are lots of us saved people who fret "what if that is me????? what if I'm not saved and I don't even know it????"

I asked my pastor that one time. He said that the people who are like that don't worry about such things.

What I know is that the Bible says we are supposed to go and sin no more etc, and I fall down EVERY STINKING DAY. Sometimes I wonder about myself.

I guess that is why they call it faith.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I remember going to my father with doubts about my salvation. The best thing he did was give me a verse from the Bible that I could go back to and say this is what God says. Give Princess a verse that she can claim, memorize and repeat when she has doubts.