Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Out! Out, spirit of rebellion!

To paraphrase Anne of Green Gables, If you only knew all the things I wanted to say and didn't!

I find myself typing, deleting, retyping, deleting, closing, opening, typing, deleting, shrinking and opening to type and closing without saving a LOT lately.

I've discovered the ability to delete Facebook posts. Thank you LORD.

I find the spirit of rebellion is strong in this one.

As is a theme in You've Got Mail, I've got the zingers, albeit too late most of the time and I know that it will do no good to use them, and yet...

Sometimes the need to spew is almost so strong that it causes my chest to clench. Right now is one of those times. And it has happened a LOT lately.

My filter is in tatters and stuff comes out that has no business coming out.

As a good friend recently told me, "I've discovered that I offend people without even trying. I've learned to smile and nod a lot." If only I could take a lesson. Just when I think I've got the smile/nod combo down, whoops! There it goes. I open my mouth.

And today, man, today I want to.

Ooooooo, but it would feel SO GOOD to just do it, ya know? Right up until the guilt set in approximately 0.000000001 seconds later.

Sometimes I want to say, "How DARE you! I am thirty-six years old and I will do what I want and you will have to deal!"

I have found I don't respond well to controlling people. Big surprise, right? Ha. But the tighter you pull your noose, the more I'm going to fight. Consider yourselves warned.

Not that anyone who should read this will be reading it.

Which is the only reason I would dare even write it.

Because I also have a strong sense of self-preservation. And it is currently in direct opposition to my rebellious streak.


The Brew Crew said...

Totally 100% understood. I didn't have a very good filter today & find myself appalled & at the same time strangely empowered by some of the things I let slide. Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day!

Sr. Citizen said...

You tell em girl, then if I find my darn coffee cup (where ever she hide it) You can explain it to me. I can't even walk backwards much less talk backwards. Dddarn coffee cup Sr.