Taking Off

The butterflies in my stomach are so extreme, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm slightly agoraphobic. Regardless, I'm heading out this morning for a girls' weekend (plus Charming) in Philly and who knows if I'll find some WiFi. (Like I know what that means.) In the meantime, go visit:

Liz who is getting married in TWO! MORE! DAYS!
Mandy who is packing (ugh!)
Pasture Scott who is profound....
Julie who will have some photos up tomorrow that are real nice (gold star if you can tell me what movie that is from)
Melanie-Pearl who is artistic
And any number of entertaining people on my blog roll.

Have a good one!

I've Been Tagged!

April tagged me for this meme and it is actually one I think I'll do...

Next Five Books on Your TBR Shelf: (only 5? You've gotta be kidding.)

Split Ends by Kristin Billerbeck
Monday Morning Faith by Lori Copeland
Swimming Lessons by Mary Alice Monroe
Stealing Adda by Tamara Leigh (which I thought I'd read, but don't think I actually have)
Mending Places by Denise Hunter

Last Four Books You've Read: (for fun or review? B-I-G difference. I'll go with review that I most enjoyed.)

This Strange New Feeling by Julius Lester
Over Her Head by Shelley Bates
The Redemption of Sarah Cain by Beverly Lewis
Veil of Fire by Marlo Schalesky

Last Three Books You've Borrowed: (note: I don't borrow books often so I have to dig deep here.)

A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver Van DeMille
Proof by Bill Bright and Jack Cavanaugh
Intimate Allies by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman

last Two Non-Fiction Books You've Read:

Lean Mommy by Lisa Druxman
Songs in the Key of Solomon by Anita and John Renfroe

The One Book You Wish Everyone Would Read:

Besides the Bible?
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (Sacred Parenting is pretty great, too)

I tag Mandy!

When is it Enough?

At what point do you draw the line and say, "That's it. I'm all tapped out. No more giving for me."

That wasn't a rhetorical question.

We got another letter from World Vision today. We get a lot of mail from them. I'd say 5 a week. We sponsor a child. We sometimes give to this project or that that they promote. I like the ministry they provide. But we've held to the one sponsored child we "adopted" back when we were broke and God told me it was time to remember there was someone else in the world that had it worse than me. It was a good lesson. But how much money do you give to a single organization? I figured aside from my occasional give-it-because-they-have-a-grant-that-octuples-it gift, I was done expanding my giving to that particular organization.

They threw a hook and line in and almost have me again. There is this specific girl...and if Hubs comes home and knows which one it is, I think we'll try to find a way to sponsor another.

I know we have it...somewhere. The occasinal soda we don't buy. The trip to the movies we don't take. The babysitter we don't hire. Really, we have it pretty good. So darn good that we forget we have it good.

But I wonder what God would have us, as Americans, do?

No more giving for me, God, you get your 10%, World Vision gets their share, Focus on the Family gets theirs, Samaritans Purse gets theirs, let's not forget that traveling minister and the guy on the street corner...

I know we should give and give freely. I know it isn't mine anyway. And who is to say that God didn't entrust it to us so that we could give it away? How much do we deserve to spoil ourselves with when His children are starving down the street and around the globe?

But if I give it all away, how do I pay my kids' tuition next year?

I don't have the answer. Most days it feels like I'm just scraping by. But ever since I saw Loveness' picture I've seen at least $35 that I didn't have to spend this month and I wonder....

Wow! They nailed me!

You Are 31 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

How Do I Love Thee?

Let me count the ways...

I love my kids' school. Yes, that probably makes me psycho.

I've been pretty quiet for the last week because I've run back and forth to school programs, etc., and then I've had ALL THESE KIDS home with me ever since they got out. I'd forgotten how hard it was to try to find time to blog and read blogs with ALL THESE KIDS home all the time. I love 'em, but man do they need attention.

I really struggled with the decision of where to school my kiddos. I have a pretty strong public school camp and a pretty strong homeschool camp pulling me in two directions, but what my heart told me to do was private (read: satisfy no one).

Well, as the school year went on, and tuition payments were made, and frustrations with peer involvement etc. carried on, the shine on the private school option got a little tarnished. But, I have to say, that the positive we've carried away from our first year in school is far greater than the negative.

The kids have learned. Yes. They read, add, know Bible verses (the fruits of the Spirit, even if joy appears twice in their rendition), you know, stuff.

But my Eldest, he was painfully shy. Still is in a lot of ways. But he's come out of his shell. And the wonderful thing about this school is that his teacher knows the progress he's made, too. Thursday he stood on stage and read his "the best thing about the school year" story. Totally mumbling and I didn't understand what he said until I read it later. When he finished, I heard his teacher exclaim, "Way to go Eldest!" Not for him to hear, but just because she was so proud. She understands how far he's come. It is priceless for me to have that kind of backing from his teacher (whom he will have for three more years, Lord willing).

I still remember the Sunday I decided I wanted my kids to attend this school. We were really planning to go public. But the school kids were on stage singing some little song about God. They were all so excited and they came to this refrain, "happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy all the time...." and they were jumping up and down and smiling and full of joy. And I wanted that for my kids.

I wanted them to be able to go NOT to a school that tolerated their faith, but CELEBRATED it.

This week they sang a song that had the line "...ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hallelujah!" Same idea, but now my kids were singing.

We made the right choice. You can't convince me otherwise.

Now to come up with the mucho dinero for next year....

Never Wear Contacts in the Shower

Otherwise you might notice that the mildew you have been trying to pretend isn't infesting your grout, is, and you'll be forced to spend thirty minutes attacking it with a toothbrush.

Consider yourself warned.

Baby Hands

Have you ever thought about baby hands? I mean, really thought about them?

I don't know about most of you, but I have intensely studied the human hand. As in memorized the names of bumps on bones as well as each bone. The human hand is amazing.

Just this morning it occurred to me that a baby hand has just as many tiny bones as an adult hand has...but in miniature.

And people don't believe in God.

Day One

The kids are out of school, day one:

it is 10:30 and I'm exhausted. Never again will I take all four of them to Wal-Mart to plan a birthday party.

Forget it.

Over Her Head take 2

I tried to edit/update my last post, but issues....

Anyway, I finished the book today, which should say something in and of itself, but in case that doesn't speak volumes to you let me say this:

The ending of Over Her Head was quite satisfactory and I am confident that you, too, will enjoy this book. Find it at Amazon by linking thorough my "next" post.

Meanwhile, I'm going to go weep into my pillow that my kids are growing up too quickly and that before I know it I'll have teenagers. Heaven help me.

More about this, tomorrow.

Over Her Head

I started the best book today. You'll never guess what it was, will you? LOL! Let me give you back cover copy:

Laurie Hale has the perfect life--and the perfect family to go with it. She imagines fun, love, and academic success for her daughter, Anna. But when one of Anna's classmates is found murdered and the police start asking questions, fear and suspicion threaten everything Laurie values.

Anna isn't the only suspect--a whole group of teenagers seems to be involved, but none of them is talking, and the community is in an uproar.

Laurie is asked to leave her prayer group just when she needs it the most, and her marriage bears the strain of the crisis. Laurie's only ally is Janice, the mayor's wife, whose own son could implicate Anna--or exonerate her.

Ultimately, Laurie must face her fears: What if Anna really was involved in Randi Peizer's murder? And what kind of person is Laurie if she can doubt her own child's innocence? Only God can provide the answers when Laurie finds herself in OVER HER HEAD.

You know me, can't leave the house without a book, and I've been running around like a crazy woman this being the last week of school so carrying a book and reading one isn't the same thing. But today I had a bit of time and I started this one.

And have hardly put it down. I'd say I couldn't, except I'm obviously typing now. Anyway, I'm a third of the way done and I'm really enjoying it. I've read some doozies lately (can you say purple prose?), but this book is like a breath of fresh air. Well written, compelling, and who done it?

I'll let you know. Well, actually I won't, I'm not a spoiler. But I will let you know if the end is satisfying. Until then....

Sniffle, Snort...

My babies graduated kindergarten last night.

I forgot my camera.

I didn't cry.

I don't know how this happened so fast.

Is this how it's going to be? One day you wake up and your baby is walking across the platform?

When people would tell me, "Enjoy it now. They grow up so fast," I couldn't help but think I hope so. I mean, come on, I had three under three. But now I'm starting to get it. The clock is ticking.

This weekend at my baby brother's college graduation I saw a baby that was probably two weeks old or less and I felt kinship with the father. And then I looked at Charming, who is HUGE, and realized we have little in common. He (or his wife) is still up all night. If they are nursing, there's no routine yet. Clothes are too big (rather than too small). Well for Mom, they are probably too small. No smiles. No giggles. No cooing. I've got it good.

But.

It is going so fast. I'm feeling a tad weepy and scared. What if this is my last baby? With Frodo I just assumed I would have more...and then he turned three and was potty trained etc and I thought he might be the end of it...after the hard part was over and I had wished it away. This time I lay awake and watch Charming sleep because next week he may be graduating from college.

Sigh.

Adoption Round-Up

Do you have a cool adoption story? Why not participate in the Adoption Round-Up at Adventures in Daily Living?

The True Story Behind Friday's Post

Friday's post garnered me a lot of attention. Well, a lot more than I'm used to, anyway. Not nearly as much as HolyMama or Queen of the Mayhem, or say, Owlhaven, but a lot for me.

Isn't it funny the things that get noticed?

Because the reason that post happened is simple. I couldn't find the anniversary card I had for Hubs. I found the envelope, but one of the kids (guessing Frodo here) ran off with the card. Or I misplaced it. Who knows? I was going to slip it into Hubs' computer bag before he left for work, and I couldn't find it (still haven't). So I sat down at the computer and pounded that out so that I could send him an email that linked over (Because he doesn't read my blog. I could write anything about him on there and he'd never know).

What the card said that I lost: I'll never stop...loving you.

Simple. Tasteful. Meaningful.

Yeah, right.

However, that post also came on the tail end of a discussion we had Thursday night wherein we discussed a friend of ours who recently told his wife that if she didn't change a certain behavior, he'd be gone. Granted this isn't a healthy behavior. Or necessarily one that is fun to live with, but it certainly isn't Biblical grounds for divorce.

That isn't the point.

After relaying this story (the friend is closer with Hubs than his wife is to me) Hubs mentioned that though the friend was probably trying to motivate his wife to change, what he probably did was remove the security, if any was present to begin with.

No matter how awful I've been to live with, and I've been pretty awful, Hubs has never made a threat like that. There were times, in my darkest hours, when I thought he would take off if he knew what was good for him. I suspect I even told him so. There were times when I thought what a bummer it was for him that the only reason I was still around was because I had no where else to go.

Oh, and in saying that, it wasn't because of anything he was doing, it was my own state of psychoses.

But I never said it out loud (to anyone but God). And he hung around, stuck it out (cheered when I went on anti-depressants), and even had more children with me...knowing that I would probably fall back into that pit.

I have a hunch that one of the major reasons I'm not really suffering post-partum depression this go 'round is because that man bathes me in prayer.

Anyway, so that post came because 1) I lost a card and 2)because it seems so many of our friends are giving up and 3) I'm so grateful he hasn't given up on me.

And now I feel all this pressure to be profound. Let's just go ahead and get that idea out of our heads, shall we? I'm rarely profound on purpose. Mostly I'm just goofy. But if any of you that linked through some other site come back; welcome (but don't expect profundity from me, K?)

A Sign of Maturity?

Tonight, as I drug myself off the couch to pick up the living room and finish the dishes, I looked about myself and thought (and almost said) I wish I was a better housekeeper. But before the thought crossed my lips, or even finished itself in my brain the response was upon me.

You do not. If you did, you would be one.

Think I've been to enough sermons, motivational talks, and self-improvement seminars?

I'll look at it as a sign of maturity that I can at least recognize my stumbling blocks.

(Hubs says I don't wish I was a better housekeeper, I wish it was easier to be a better housekeeper. I think he knows what he's talking about. Oh, but the dishes aren't in the sink tonight!)

Teaching them to read

Last night, Princess was reading "Thomas and the School Trip" to me when she came to a stumbling block.

"Mom, what does little six without a hole, little six without a hole h-u-r-r-y spell?"

After a bit of conversation (I must have been busy with another child to not look) where I continued to ask for clarification, I looked.

Ever looked closely at quotation marks?

Things I've Learned about God...

For a couple years now, I've had a book idea floating around in my head that I would title, "Things I've Learned About God From My Kids." I've never written the book, mostly because the chapters would be about three paragraphs long and I am not Nancy Kennedy (who can take those three paragraphs, make them hilarious and make them into a cohesive chapter). But I have decided I may try to make it into a regular feature here. Today I will star Charming.

This morning, Charming was sleepy. I knew he was sleepy and I was taking measures to get him to sleep. He just knew life wasn't quite right and he wanted me and everyone else to know it...so he protested. Not big protests. He'd just screw up his face and squawk. A little protest to make sure I knew he wasn't happy.

Meanwhile, I took care of his needs. I changed his diaper, wrapped him up in his blanket(it is a little cool this morning), cuddled him close and began to nurse him.

He'd cuddle in and nurse, then remember that he wasn't happy before, pop off and "protest." (He says "Me-nah," exactly as it sounds, one time.) Then he'd go back to nursing. He did this two or three times and then he gave it up and went to sleep.

Isn't that so like us?

Sometimes life just isn't right and we tell God about it. We don't want a solution, we just want to fuss and be heard. But if we will cuddle up with Him, link up to Him, He'll take care of it. It may not be in the way we hoped and we might wonder what the hey He's up to, but He'll take care of it in the way He knows best. Every now and then we may pull back and say "hey, wait, I'm still not happy," but if we go back to Him, he'll still be there and will take care of it for us.

Or, on another note, sometimes we just need to cuddle up and rest with our Daddy and the problem that we thought was such a big deal, won't be. There is a reason the Bible tells us to rest. It gives us perspective. Many problems that seem huge, just wither away once we've given ourselves the chance to rest. Fighting it doesn't always solve the problem.

So there you have it. What do you think?

Nothing like getting your hopes up...

So yesterday I got a snail mail letter from (dream publisher). (Dream publisher) is the one I've wanted to submit my novel to for three years. (Dream publisher) is kinda hard to get in to. (Dream publisher) agreed to read my novel, but not until it was a bit longer (funny, since it used to be longer and I chopped so much of it that it is too short for them now...). But someone recommended me to (dream publisher) about something else, and they are supposedly looking at something of mine. Clear?

The envelope was very thin. Sadly thin. And I couldn't help thinking, "Bummer. A rejection. Wait. Would they reject me in snail mail? They don't have my address. They would surely reject me through (person who recommended me) if they bother to reject me at all, right?"

I opened the envelope. Within it was a letter from one of (dream publisher)'s authors that I met through ACFW. I'm supposed to influence for one of her books. No biggie. Even if it did make my heart pound.

And then, about three hours later, I got an email from (person who recommended me to (dream publisher)) with a subject line of "status." Since my brain had already visited this idea, my heart began to pound again.

BTW, I really don't think about this opportunity very often, I think it is a long shot. But God is the God of long shots, right?

Any-hoo, her email was about something totally unrelated.

But (dream publisher), if you are visiting today (LOL!) know I'm watching diligently for you, and you can send your acceptance anytime. I'm here for you. ;-)

Wanna be Encouraged?

Go read this.

Ripping Down Stereotypes

Saturday, during "big trash day," my kids went trash picking. Early in the AM we walked down the block to check out an exersaucer for Charming. It turned out to be broken beyond repair (thus its placement in the trash) and they were rather disappointed.

Later, after he'd been out with Hubs, Eldest informed me that there was another saucer at a house "almost to the top of the hill and across the street." Since Charming was sleeping and Hubs was out with Frodo I told him I couldn't go but I'd let him walk up the street to check it out if he wanted.

Off subject: To me, the top of the hill is about 6 houses north. I was wrong. Anyway, I'm fretting because my two children have disappeared around the curve and the baby is asleep (never wake a sleeping baby is my creed).

A bit later than I'd like, they came back hauling this saucer. Though it was grummy (probably outside or in a garage for the winter), it was pretty nice. We cleaned it up (after I verified with 1000 questions that it was really and truly in a trash pile) and they were quite pleased.

I mentioned to Hubs that I hoped that it was really in the trash, because these things sell in garage sales for upwards of $20. He said it absolutely was in a trash pile, he'd seen it (but that I wouldn't approve of how far away the house was that I'd allowed my precious kids walk to--across two streets and a block over (where there was no sidewalk)).

Yesterday he drove me past the house where the kids had gone. I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing.

You see, it is a home where (I hope legal) immigrants live. Several families in a single house. I have nothing against this. I commend their willingness to pile in in order to save money and live the American dream. They are pleasant people. Friendly. It is just obvious that a TON of people live in this home. And they are side by side with me at garage sales in the neighborhood bartering a $0.25 shirt down to a dime.

So here we are, "white" suburban folk trash picking the immigrants "big trash" pile.

Just goes to show, you can't stereotype.

Frodo

Doesn't want to be a short stop.

He wants to be a big stop.

Bu-du-bomp.

You Are Somewhat Like Your Mom

Believe it or not, you and your mom are pretty darn similar. It may not seem like it at times, but you and your mom have a lot of common ground. Over time, you'll probably get closer ... especially if you emphasize the things you like about each other.

Are You Like Your Mom?

I'd say I have pretty much become her.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

The Little Things

Yesterday I wrote that I would rather adopt than give birth. I regret that. Not because I don't think it is true, but because it dishonors my biological children. This morning as I watched Charming sleep I thought how sweet it is to watch a sleeping baby and know that he looks exactly like his daddy. I have no idea who Eldest looks like. Not that it matters, but there are definite bennies either way.

You know, some times, actually probably most times, it is the small things that make the difference. Yesterday morning I just felt anxious. Anxious like the crazy anxiety I get that makes me cry for no reason. Hubs couldn't figure out why and kept asking and saying "It's good. Life is good." I finally figured out that at least part of my anxiety was that I needed to get to Sam's, I needed to go yesterday, I only like to go before 10, and Charming sleeps at that time. In order to calm myself down I decided I could put it off until today and if I had to pay 3.49 for milk at the grocery store, well, so be it. And 30 minutes later my sister called and asked if I needed anything from Sam's. It would have been an answer to prayer had I actually prayed.

And speaking of answered prayers: I have wanted a stroller, but not just any stroller. I wanted one of those strollers that seats one and a half. The double that isn't a double. It has a full seat and then a step and jump seat for an older child. They cost a stinking lot. I was given some money to buy a stroller, but not enough to buy THAT stroller. I'd go back and forth, decide to just buy a normal stroller, then decide to splurge and get the one I really wanted. But last weekend was THE weekend for garage sale-ing (actually this weekend ain't shabby). I went to many a sale hoping for a nice stroller (where I live that IS possible). I didn't expect to find the stroller I wanted, because you can hardly find them at the stores, but a nice stroller nonetheless. I'd consider a double and decide it was too big. I'd consider a single and decide it was too ratty. I'd see a stroller I liked okay and someone else would be paying for it. So Saturday morning I threw up a prayer along the lines of, "Okay God, I know it is a long shot, but you know the stroller I want. Could you provide that for me this morning?"

Wouldn't you know, I stopped at a particular garage sale because Princess wanted to. It didn't look too hot to me. I moseyed up...and there was MY stroller. I inspected it. It looked practically new. The price was right. And I told Princess, "Sissy, God answered my prayer." And I burst into tears. Right there in a stranger's driveway.

I ended up buying two strollers there. The almost double and a singe umbrella stroller. Both were desired. Only one was really needed, but God gave me both.

It's the little things. Kinda like having a shirt to wear when you open your closet. Which is its own story. Another day.

Eight Random Things

It's a meme and I don't' feel like playing by the rules, so lets just say here are eight things about me you may not know and leave it at that shall we?

1. My first kiss was from a guy who now plays pro football. And no, you've probably never heard of him. We were in the 5th grade.

2. I write for the same newspaper as Earnest Hemingway.

3. I love the smell of fresh cut alfalfa.

4. I held the school record for triple jump in '91 for several weeks until I taught Phyllis Nickel how and she's held the record ever since.

5. I would rather adopt than give birth.

6. I own a pair of Cole Haan shoes and a pair of Donald J. Pliner shoes and only paid about 30 for the both of 'em. I'd be happy to take you shoe shopping with me any time you want. In case this means nothing to you, read some chick lit. I recommend Kristin Billerbeck.

7. My favorite day of the week is trash day. My favorite day of the month is when the vets will come by and pick up my discarded yet still useful items. My favorite day of the year is probably "Tidy Town," otherwise known as "big trash day" when you can put out oversized items for free and drop off your hazardous waste (paint, etc.) for free. I love to purge.

8. I have a thing for clocks.

All In All, A Good Day

Yesterday didn't look to be a good day, and yet somehow it was.

I stayed home from playgroup just so I could catch up on a little bit of life. It was totally liberating.

I went to the doctor. I scheduled this visit back in January knowing where I usually am at this point post-partum. (Gotta schedule to see him 3 months out, no kidding.) I intended to ask him for meds, HOWEVER, he and I agreed that whatever I experienced last week was "temporary insanity" (my terms, not his) and that it isn't time for meds just yet, BUT, if I do need them, all I have to do is call in. This is very good news because I didn't want to give in just yet. I truly believe God is gong to work this thing out and holding a 'script "just in case" doesn't seem like I am exhibiting much faith. That isn't to say that there is no place for meds, because there certainly is. I was in that place with my last two, but this time I seem to be okay as long as I don't add on a lot of "stuff." My meltdown occured on a day when Charming wasn't sleeping, I'd been out of the house several days in a row, needed to bring people dinner, and had some unfinished writing that needed to be done. Too much stress equals crazy Jamie. Especially when a newborn is involved. Anyway, off the subject, it is always good to see my doctor. Weird, huh?

Frodo asked Jesus into his heart. The circumstances were kinda wild, and we were driving in the van so I felt like we were flying by the seat of our pants, but hey, it stands sharing. I know that at this point it is an inherited faith rather than a chosen faith, but I consider it a good start. After all, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Right? Right.

Hubs succeeded in avoiding a nasty debt load yesterday. Sometimes knowing you won't be responsible for a debt that you shouldn't be responsible for, but people are trying to stick on you anyway, makes a person feel rather rich. I may have to go out and buy milk today to celebrate.

Charming slept 9, count 'em, 9 hours last night.

I lost three more pounds. I stagnated there at 143 for almost three weeks and I was getting a little worried, but this morning I'm down to 140. Still a ten, but I can see the 8s on my horizon.

Yes, that makes for a good day.

And this morning I was reading in my Bible when I ran across this passage that I've read lots, but that living breathing Word made fresh: Throw out the mocker, and fighting goes, too. Prov 22:10. Since I posted that thing the other day about me being super sarcastic I've worried a bit about it. I knew I had a sarcastic streak, but now I'm wondering if I drop the sarcasm would the drama around my home smooth out some? I'm sure it will. Kids don't understand sarcasm, I know that. It is a habit I've got to get a handle on.

I remember the exact moment when I decided to use sarcasm for my benefit. A friend's older sister was looking into a mirror and commented that she was getting heavier and looked to me to say something. And the truth is, she was. I don't like to lie (that whole train up a child thing at work). I said something like, "nah..." When she laughed at me and said something like, "I know it's true, Jamie, don't strain yourself." I had hours of what-I-wish-I'd-said coursing through my brain. The correct response should have been "Oh, yeah, you're huge" in just the right tone of voice. And over the years, I've mastered the technique. Now I think I need to kill it. I'll let you know how it works.

He Can Turn a Phrase

Last weekend, Hubs and his father were discussing young couples and the fact that many of them get themselves into trouble because they get used to the wife's income, buy a house based on that, etc. and then when they have a baby and she wants to stay home, they are up a creek.

I piped in and said, "Lucky for you, I've never made much money."

To which Hubs replied, "Unfortunately for you, neither have I."

He was quick about it, too. I'm still chuckling.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitude, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

No, I'm not proud of this, but now you know why I am what I am. I think I'll try to improve on this.

NOT!

No, I'm kidding. Really.

Seriously!

Party Planner?

Let it be known that I am crummy at hosting parties.

Heaven knows I try. I have friends who sell Arbonne, Creative Memories, Avon, Mary Kay, Cookie Lee and Pampered Chef. I do what I can for my friends. I am a customer. Not a big one, but passable. And every year or so someone asks me to host a party, or I get my own wild hair and try (Pampered Chef on help whip cancer month, which is May I think, for example). I send out the invites...

And it is a bust.

Hopefully after today I've learned my lesson and will quit trying. However, next May? I quite possibly will delude myself into thinking I can round up a few people and offer them chocolate cake if they will come and look at chia pets or whatever another of my friends is trying to make a go of.

Sorry friends. I'm just no good at it.

O Happy Day!

Charming slept 8 hours in a row Wednesday night. That means I slept 7 hours and 59 minutes in a row. Thursday was a dramatic improvement over Wednesday.

And...

Charming found his thumb. O, Happy Day!

And yes, for the curious, those two happenings are related.

PPD

Post-partum depression sucks.

It's real and it sucks.

Oh, and guess what I found out this week? I will never be allowed to adopt from Ethiopia or China. Why? Because I care enough about my children to take a pill while going through this crap so as to not be a blubbering idiot on my bed in a dark room for months on end. So glad to know that me on a stupid pill is worse than that hovel the child is currently living in. Fantastic.

For Me

"Bring The Rain" MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty

How Sad is This?

There is a Slim 4 Life "No More Chubby Hubby" ad on the flip side of a KFC coupon I got in the mail yesterday.

You'd think the ad dudes could plan a little better than that.

Idol

Okay, whatever the heck Blake just did worked.

I'm not a Blake fan, but that, that almost makes me want to vote for him. Considering I don't vote, it's saying something.

Of course Melinda is yet to sing. :D

Oh, and the next post? I'm a little calmer now.

Trapped

Is it too freaking much to ask to be able to leave my home, by myself, for half an hour? And if so, when will I be able to do so? Because if I don't get to have a single moment to myself for another year, I might as well know it now. Unfortunately I already know it and it isn't helping my attitude.

God help me.

Quiet desperation, my (bleep).