Monday, August 20, 2007

Just When I've Climbed on my High Horse

I've never said Satan isn't smart. Except for that minor little compulsion to be better than God, I think he's a crafty creature. I'm certain he is the reason I hate Sundays.

No one annoys me like they do on Sundays. I'm never as tired as I am on Sundays. (HA! I just typo'd Sindays. For me they are!) I'm never as cranky as I am on Sundays. And I'm never as annoyed at "the church" as I am on Sundays.

Yesterday morning I was extrapolating to Hubs on the position I feel I've been shoved in to at church. As I ranted, I got more and more worked up. I just don't even want to go to church these days because of this situation. As he reminds me, I always feel this way when I have a nursing infant and we just push through the pain. I know it. He knows it. And he has even been married to me long enough to know that I'm just ranting and will eventually brush my teeth and get in the car to go.

Yesterday was no exception, except he and I decided it really was a legitimate problem that needed to be addressed. So, as I brushed my teeth, we were discussing what we needed to do and to whom we needed to talk.

I get to church and up pops Ma M. who says "If you depend upon men, you will get a man's solution. If you depend upon prayer, you will get God's solution."


Before worship was over I was weeping. It has been quite a while when I've cried in church NOT over what I was aggravated about (be it sleep deprivation or inconsiderate family members) but just because I could feel God actually cared.

We sang "All in All" which is an oldie. But when we came to the "sung it a hundred times" lines of "when I fall down You pick me up, when I am dry You fill my cup" my tear ducts dumped. I am always falling (and had been berating myself for the previous 7 minutes about not praying about the situation that I was certain I needed to handle) and most certainly dry. One friend told me once that she saw me as a cup with those last three drops at the bottom and the straw making that sucky sound, but not getting anything.

My lands, that song wasn't talking about being thirsty (to me anyway) and getting a drink...I am the drink but am totally dry. I need Him to fill me up.

So, even though I am a wretched Sunday morning sinner, God touched me yesterday. I just thought I should share. Because even when we don't think it is possible, it happens anyway.


Anonymous said...

"If you depend upon men, you will get a man's solution. If you depend upon prayer, you will get God's solution."

This is so good for me! It reminds me of where I need to be.... on my knees.
Thanks for sharing your life, your an inspiration.

Pasture Scott said...

Jamie, I simply love your writing. So real. So raw. Very encouraging. Hey, I'm a pastor and Sundays and me don't always see eye to eye...but that's usually because God and I don't!